wanna go halves on a baby?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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