I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
