Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
