I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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