no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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