im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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