I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
