Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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