That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize