We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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