well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
