Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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