If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
