she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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