I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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