I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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