oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
