first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When did angry sex become our thing?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
