I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i came on her dog
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
MIDGETS
????
I am one with the molecules
They have beer where we have blood.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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