Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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