I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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