FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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