genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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