Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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