You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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