i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
