Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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