i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
