You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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