So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
