Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
