Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
