you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
