a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
