Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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