my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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