I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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