I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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