Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
