I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
