how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
