matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
