the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
