Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
