She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
