Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
