first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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