Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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