Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
worst night to have a conscience
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
