I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
