no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
