Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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