I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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