I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
