from now on my penis is your penis
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
