my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
