Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
