I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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