Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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