Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
