Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
