i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
