I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
