I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize