Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
