I met the friendliest cop last night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
