Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
