I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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