Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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