I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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