I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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