He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
