..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
