Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
