there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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