At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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