I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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