so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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