now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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