one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
